It's beginning to look......

Christmas knitting is in full progress. I have finished two projects and thankfully am able to re-purpose a couple of others that are nearly done. I might just finish all of my gifts on time this year! Wouldn't that be different.

First project finished is a set of fingerless mitts for my dear step-granddaughter, Elana. Elana has had her share of tough times this past year. She has a malignant brain tumor that is basically inoperable. However, God has smiled on this beautiful child and the tumor has stopped growing while showing virtually no symptoms. Praise God! She's been doctoring with St. Jude Children's Hospital, where the care has been excellent. She was recently told not to come back for a recheck for 6 months, a real sign of progress. I hope she likes these mitts. Made from beautiful, soft yarn, which is a mystery to me because I started these mitts a couple of Christmases ago for myself (I think it's a Debbie Bliss yarn). I hope Elana will get more use from them than I would have.

The second finished gift is for her brother, Ryan. I remember Ryan as this precocious little boy, not the tall, handsome 17 year-old he is now. Hard to believe he's grown up so fast. He lives with his father now, but we usually get to see him when we visit his mom, our daughter, Amanda, in Indiana over Christmas. Ryan's gift is a scarf, knitted in my own pattern (K2, P2 on the wrong side, K all rows on the right side). I went through my stash last week and found this gorgeous, variegated New Zealand wool from Ashford called Tekapo. It's a double knit weight. Thee scarf was an easy knit and I enjoyed working on it when I was too tired to do more intricate work. The colors are pretty, but I had no idea how striking the patterning was until I blocked the scarf this morning. The green makes a beautiful diagonal pattern through the other colors, making this scarf (I think) very special. I hope he likes it! The picture shows it as it is being blocked.

Finally, a stealth project for a certain, sweet granddaughter (who shall remain nameless for now) who is growing up too fast. This pattern is called Orla (my Rav link). The yarn (Spud and Chloe off white and Lorna's Laces Shepherd Worsted in Fresh) is so soft and spungey. It's going to make a great, warm hat. It's been an easy pattern to work on, too, in spite of the colorwork.

Time to get back to knitting! How are your Christmas preparations going?

Grateful

In the past year, I've come to realize the value in replacing a focus on gratefulness for complaints. Sure, I have things to complain about: a brain that functions at the age of a 70-something woman (I'm 60), aches and pain, no longer being able to work, etc. etc. etc.

A friend of mine has helped me to see the benefit in focusing on the positives in my life. This also comes with learning to focus on the present instead of the losses/pains of the past.

I will spare you my list of things I am grateful for on this Thanksgiving Day. But I leave you with these questions? Would your life be better if you focused on the now? On all of the abundance in your life, instead of the things you think you "need." On all of the advantages you have? On all of your blessings?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today's your birthday!

Happy birthday to my oldest son who turned 38 today! I CANNOT believe I have a child who is 38 years old (sorry, son!). When I think back over the last 38 years, I remember so much. First is the pregnancy. I didn't even know I was pregnant until I went to the doctor for a period that had lasted for three weeks. The bleeding continued until about 20 weeks. During that time, we made multiple trips to the hospital, thinking we had miscarried. Each time, they sent us home saying "you're still pregnant!"

Then there was the nausea. No, honestly it was really daily barfing. Every day I would get up, eat breakfast, and promptly lose it one hour later. Finally, at 5 months, (this is the embarassing part), I got so ticked off with the routine that I threw a perfume bottle at the bathroom wall and said, "that's it. I am not doing this anymore." And guess what? It stopped. Shortly after that, I felt the baby move for the first time. A little flutter here, a little flutter there. It truly was happening. I was so ecstatic. I made maternity clothes. I knitted a sweater. I made baby clothes.

Ron and I worked on the nursery, painting the walls, painting a chest of drawers and selecting a crib, a mobile for the crib, a changing table. But the greatest addition was the rocker we found in Ron's parents' basement. We cleaned it up and I sat in it regularly during the last few months, singing to my unborn child. We were so ecstatic that we were finally going to have a baby. We had lost a pregnancy 2 years earlier and had waited for what seemed an eternity to finally get to this stage.

At 6 months, I talked with my OB about natural childbirth and, when he refused to cooperate, we made the transition from this doctor in our hometown, Lancaster, Ohio to an OB in Columbus. Thus, we traveled to Columbus once a week for Lamaze classes as the end of the pregnancy neared. Chad was due on October 1, 1972. However, about 4 am on Sept 24, I woke because I had felt a loud "pop". Yup, my water broke. We called the doctor around 9 am, when contractions were coming more regularly. We left for Columbus soon after due to the 30 minute drive. However, Chad didn't arrive until shortly before 6 pm that evening. Ron was able to be in the delivery room with me and it made the trip to Columbus SO worth it. When Chad was born, I was in a daze (not drugs, but exhaustion), but I remember thinking that he looked a little like his dad and a little like me. Those long fingers, though, were definitely his dad's. We brought him home about 3 days later. Thus began my love affair with this beautiful child.

He was always such a good child. He slept well, was easy to discipline, grew like a weed (he's about 6 foot 7 or 8 inches now!). Now he's a grown man, successful in his work, a wonderful father. He is married to a wonderful woman, has two beautiful children and another one on the way. And I still love him with all my heart. Happy birthday, Chad!

One clue solved

Since early summer, I've been dealing with increasing fatigue. Lately, it's gotten so that I wake at 5 am, breakfast, etc., back in bed at 7 am until 9. Then awake until 2 pm. Sleep until 6 or 7. During the time over the noon hour, I constantly feel like I will fall asleep if I close my eyes. It's getting worse every week.

This week, I visited one of my docs who told me, very frankly, "you look like hell!" "Gee thanks" I said! Then he tested me for a bunch of stuff. I'm thinking all the way home (trying to stay awake) that once again they will find nothing. But not this time.

My thyroid has, apparently decided to slow down...a lot. I start medication tomorrow. With any luck, I will be able to stay awake in the mornings and maybe the afternoons by the time my niece's wedding rolls around in mid-October.

We are so excited about going to this wedding. ALL of my family (with the exception of my sweet son-in-law, Dean) is going to be there. Pictures will be taken. I am just SO glad my doc figured this out. Fingers crossed that this will solve the fatigue problem!

A sock knit along with Through the Loops

Hoping to have some warm Christmas socks, I have signed up for the Through the Loups Knit Along. I will be using Zen Yarn Garden Superwash Sock in Garnet, one of the sock yarns I received from the three month sock club. It's a wonderful yarn, soft, with a good twist that should show stitch detail well. Using size 1 (2.50 mm) needles, I got 7 stitches to the inch, a little lower than required. So, I will make the medium size, instead of the large.

Growing into my Age

Two weeks ago, I turned 60. It seems odd to be this old since, as a child, I only ever imagined what it would be like to be 50 at the turn of the century. I never gave much thought to what happens after 50.

I thought I would feel old. I do, but I believe it has more to do with my illness than my age. All around me, I see 60 year olds who are still very physically active. Admittedly, they work hard, but they do not have the muscle stiffness and weaving stride that I’m coping with.

I do see many people my age scaling back at work. Especially at businesses where they respect older people for the contribution they are able to make and find a place for them, even if they are no longer able to perform at the pace they once were.

So, getting old is a little different than what I had imagined, but mostly because of the challenges that come with ME, not so much the actual chronological age, for me.

The best part is being able to slow down. Not feeling like I have to get everything done that need to be done. The worst part is that my brain wants to do more, but my body just gives out before my brain is done imagining what would be fun! For instance, I wanted to take my granddaughters swimming several days when they visited a few weeks ago; but I knew the sun and heat would do me in, and that I must conserve my energy so that I could last through the trip to take them home.

So, I guess you could say my life is “smaller” than I ever imagined it would be at this age. I imagined being able to be more active in my church. I had hoped to pursue training as a lay leader, and perhaps join the quilt group. Now, I’m lucky if I can get through my errands when I spend the day in Ames. Days spent at home are most satisfactory because then I am able to rest when I need to.

Along with the limitations of age, however, has come a peace about the past. My life has had its ups and downs: divorce, child custody battle, unemployment, foreclosure, moving, returning to college, and death of a dear grandchild. I believe I have come to grips with each of these “demons” and have finally been able to quiet the emotions that used to bubble up when I thought of them.

Probably most significantly of all, I am at peace with my family. My family of origin wasn’t perfect, but I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t need it to be perfect. No parent is perfect, but I believe mine did the best they could for the situation and knowledge present at the time.

I also know that I have not been the best of parents. I know this because I see the way my children interact with my grandchildren. They are more patient, more attentive, more involved with the children than I ever was with them. Whether this change is because they wanted to do better than I did, or because society is doing a better job of teaching the art of parenting, I don’t care. I’m just happy that my grandchildren can expect to live better lives than their parents and grandparents lived.

And that’s all we can hope for, isn’t it?

Bubbie and the Pea

My three granddaughters (oldest girls from the "Michigan 8") visited in late July for about 11 days. We had so much fun with Sadie (aged 6), Cessalie (8), and Susanna (15/16).

One thing I love about the age Sadie and Cessa are at is the way their minds work. There were several times when one of them said something that nearly cracked up Papa and I (Susanna has given these moments in the past, too.) But the best story came out of one morning when the girls and I were laying on my bed watching PBS kids.

I have a chronic pain disorder (some combination fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, which BTW is now called myalgic encephalomyelitis) that has affected my sleep patterns especially over the last 6 or 7 years. We have a sleep number bed, which helped for a while. But I've found the greatest relief at night from one of those memory foam pads (about 3" thick). The thing creates all kinds of problems with our sheets, but I really notice the difference when I sleep somewhere else, without the pad.

So, we're lying on the bed that morning and Cessa says, "Bubbie (yes, that's what they call me and it's a whole other story. Believe me, I've tried to get the Michigan 8 to change to Nana but they just smile and shake their heads no), why does your bed feel so good?" I explained about the mattress and the pad and then spent 1/2 an hour demonstrating the controls for the air mattress and explaining to them that they were not allowed to come in Papa's and my bedroom and just run the controls up and down any 'ol time they felt like it. "It's not a toy. You may lie on the bed, but you cannot push the buttons on the control."

Of course the next question was why do you have all this extra stuff on your bed. So, I briefly explained that I had a sickness that gave me a lot of pain, especially at night and the bed set up helps me sleep.

Two days later, we're driving in the car and Cessa asks, "Bubbie, you know that story about the princess and the pea? Well, if someone put a pea under your mattress, could you feel it?"

ROFL! What was I to say (I nearly drove off the road, trying not to laugh out loud!). I explained that, no, I wasn't quite that sensitive.

Kids! I do love the way their minds work!